I never want to see another naked old woman again.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
