Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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