i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
