Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
