Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
my poor anus
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
