you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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