he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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