Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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