We got so high we made milksteak
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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