Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
