Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
