JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
My feet surprised me
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
