All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
