It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Did I show you my penis last night?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
