I cut my penus on the lid.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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