So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
