Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
someone threw a dead crab at me
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
