I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
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