Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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