She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
