The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
