Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
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