I can tuck mytits in my pants
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Randomize
