Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
