quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
