shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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