did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
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