i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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