you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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