Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
tell me about the eggs
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