hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I didn't notice because vodka
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
