I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
She bit a glass in half.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
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