Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
