So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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