took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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