If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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