college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
did i walk over a car last night?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize
