I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
