i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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