she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
