well I can't set my house on fire every night
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
