don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
