thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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