i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
