my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
