Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
