You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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