so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
North Korea, Best Korea!
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
MIDGETS
????
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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