At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Houston, we have a blender
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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