So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
