i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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