I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
