I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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