As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
