I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
