Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize