im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
