Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
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