Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Randomize
