There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
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