You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
