theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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