I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
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