What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
