i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
