you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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