Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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