Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
