Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
