What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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