We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize