One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
