just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Randomize
