Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
